Dear Journal
by The Plot Bunny Whisperer
Summary: CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."
1. Chapter 1

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing:** Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therepy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN:** I think someone asked for this, but I forget who. Oh well. This is "Dear Diary" from Harry's perspective. THERE WILL BE IMPLIED SLASH! Nothing graphic, and it can easily be ignored. You can replace the names with someone else if you want. I just couldn't think of anyone else to use as a 'bribe'. XD

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therepy.

I almost died laughing.

She says she has an interesting proposition for me. Meeting up with her tomorrow.

Harry


	2. Chapter 2

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing:**Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therepy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN:** Just to be ornery, I'm only putting up one a day. :P

-

Dear Journal,

Narcissa had a wonderful idea. Ingenious, really. It would solve everything if it works.

Found out that the Psyche-Wizards took Voldemort's wand away.

Whoever said laughing was good for your health has probably never laughed this hard.

Harry


	3. Chapter 3

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing:**Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therepy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN:** Um... oops? I forgot I was supposed to update this thing...

-

Dear Journal,

Learned Occlumency.

Shacklebolt caught Malfoy's dad trying to break Voldemort out of the Psychiatric Ward for Insane Witches and Wizards.

Bastard got away with a hidden Portkey.

Narcissa has a plan for Nagini.

Harry


	4. Chapter 4

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing:**Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therepy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN:** Nothing to say here.

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Apparently the plan involved Portkeys and Siberia.

She sent Bellatrix to Anger Management Therepy.

Phase Three of The Plan went through. So far, so good.

Sent my regards to Voldemort. He sent me a Howler.

Harry


	5. Chapter 5

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing:**Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN:** I am being tortured. With Sailor Moon. :whimpers: Too... much... Overload. :dies:

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Hermione suspects something. Asked Narcissa if I could bring her in on The Plan.

Lucius tried to kidnap me. Asked Narcissa to look for an excuse to send him to Anger Management Therapy.

Sent Voldemort a box of Canary Cremes. Told him it was a care package. He sent me a thank you note.

Learned Legilemency. Warned Narcissa that Snape was going to try to poison her.

Harry


	6. Chapter 6

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing:**Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN:** To those who are American: Didja set any fires? :grin: I almost did! XD (Totally by accident, of course. :looks shifty:)

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Narcissa sent Snape to Anger Management Therapy. Dumbledore wasn't happy.

Phase Four of The Plan went into affect. Should be Phase Six by now, but Hermione isn't done editing The Plan.

Shacklebolt thinks I'm up to something.

He's right, but I don't want him telling Dumbledore that.

Harry


	7. Chapter 7

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing:**Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN:** Later posting than I planned on, but still within my one-a-day decision... rule... thingie. Er... Yeah.

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Narcissa Portkeyed Nagini to Alaska.

Dumbledore tried to break Snape out of the Psychiatric Ward for Insane Witches and Wizards.

Had Dobby lace his lemon drops with numbing solution.

Sent Voldemrot a care package full of "tea".

Harry


	8. Chapter 8

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing:**Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN:**

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Voldemort sent a recruitment letter. Told him to get stuffed.

Narcissa went to Psyche-Wizards to "pay for his care".

Bellatrix tried to break out of the Psychiatric Ward for Insane Witches and Wizards.

Told Neville to send her a "care package".

Hermione says The Plan is going well.

Harry


	9. Chapter 9

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing: **Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN: **... Apparently I forgot to fill in the AN for last chapter. Weird. Oh, and like I said before, Remus can be replaced with anyone you want. As long as it's in your head. I just couldn't think of anyone else to use for a bribe, and really, he was the only one that would work for future entries. Sorry slash haters! I just couldn't resist. XD

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Dumbledore is suspicious.

Told Shacklebolt I'd get him a date with Remus if he gets him off my case.

Phase Five is complete.

Rita Skeeter wrote nasty article. Told Hermione to write her into The Plan.

Voldemort sent me some pictures. Told him they looked nice.

Told Narcissa he needs art classes.

Harry


	10. Chapter 10

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing: **Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN: **I should be sleeping. I know I should. I need to be up in six hours. ... Nah.

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Attempted to implement personal plan. It failed.

Hermione says I should leave all the plan making to her and Narcissa.

Those two scare me.

Rita disappeared. Mwuaha.

Harry


	11. Chapter 11

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing: **Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN: **I found a new Starbucks drink! :sips happily:

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Narcissa sent Nagini to the zoo in Muggle London.

Went to visit Nagini. We struck a deal.

Asked Voldemort how he's doing. He said he's fine and that he will destroy me.

Hermione told me to stop writing to him.

Harry


	12. Chapter 12

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing: **Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN: **Actually, it was a double blended caramel frappachino light with extra caramel and two shots. ;)

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Narcissa Portkeyed Wormtail to Africa. Hope a lion eats him.

Helped Nagini break out of the zoo.

Narcissa and Hermione weren't happy.

Nagini gave me a great idea for a treatment. Paid for more "care".

Sent Voldemort a thank you card for Nagini.

Harry


	13. Chapter 13

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing: **Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN: **This one has one of my favorite lines in the entire fic. My other favorite line is in DJ21.

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Voldemort sent me a strongly worded letter. Says the Psyche-Wizards banned him from using howlers.

Lucius tried to kill Narcissa. She sent him to Anger Management Therapy.

Told Shacklebolt I'd pay for a "romantic interlude" if he distracted Dumbledore long enough to implement Phase Six.

Remus said to stop using him as a bribe.

Harry


	14. Chapter 14

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing: **Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN: **This is way late. I think it has something to do with sleeping for seventeen hours after going to a dance club with my cousin who drove 65 miles to come see me 'cause she was bored. I prolly just neeeded the sleep though.

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Sent Voldemort a care package.

Phase Seven is complete.

Fudge is no longer Minister. Umbridge tried to kill me.

Sent her to Anger Management Therapy.

Harry


	15. Chapter 15

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing: **Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN: **It is exactly one am as I post this. Just thought you guys might be interested.

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Voldemort gave his care package to Bellatrix.

I didn't know Canary Cremes and Raven Raisins made such an interesting result when mixed. Must tell Twins.

Narcissa said Voldemort is making progress. Gave her another idea for a treatment.

Hermione says Nagini is a bad influence.

Nagini wants to eat Hermione.

Harry


	16. Chapter 16

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing: **Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN: **Only five more to go! that means the last chapter will be posted on Sunday. (I almost said Saturday. Obviously, I don't know my math well. Of course, it doesn't help that I never know what day of the week it is anyway.)

If you like this story, IANAT, and/or IANATI, I implore you to check out, "...Wait, What?". It was a gift fic and I rather like it, even though it's prolly going to turn out ridiculously long. Oi.

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Started campaigning to become Minister. Hermione says it should get easier.

Asked Narcissa why we ever thought of bringing her into The Plan.

Dumbledore isn't happy. He is running against me.

Told Dobby to lace his lemon drops with with hair loss solution.

Harry


	17. Chapter 17

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing: **Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN: **Whee...! :spins around in a boredom-induced stupor:

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Rita broke out of Muggle insane asylum. Tried to kill me.

Had Narcissa send her to Anger Management Therapy.

Wormtail tried to kill Narcissa. Narcissa sent him to Anger Management Therapy.

Shacklebolt turned him into the ministry. Remus said it's okay if I use him as a bribe.

Harry


	18. Chapter 18

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing: **Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN: **Sorry it's late! Er... later than usual, anyway. I actually had a decent night's sleep, and then I woke up in time to go babysit my friend's seven-month-old, and then I stayed there for a while and went swimming after that, and then got home and remembered I had to post... So, yeah. Here it is!

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Hermione says I'm leading in the polls. Dumbledore used the Dursleys for character assassination.

Took Veritaserum.

Got him fired from the Wizengamot. He dropped out of the race.

Told Dobby to lace his lemon drops with Tabasco.

Harry


	19. Chapter 19

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing: **Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN: **Sorry. My mind was temporarily taken over by MySpace. If you're a user, friend me! And then join my mob!

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

I am officially the Minister of Magic.

The Plan was completed successfully. I rule.

Made Narcissa Undersecretary as promised.

Made Hermione Head of the Department of S.P.E.W. as promised.

Got Shacklebolt a date with Remus as promised.

Harry J. Potter  
Minister of Magic


	20. Chapter 20

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing: **Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN: **Because you people are awesome... and MySpace took over my mind making me forget to update yesterday. My bad.

One more to go! Be nice and I may update the last one before midnight PST. :grin:

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Narcissa sent the rest of the Death Eaters to Anger Management Therapy.

Dumbledore tried to have me killed.

Sent Dumbledore to Anger Management Therapy.

Voldemort said he decided not to take over the world.

Had a huge party.

Harry J. Potter  
Minister of Magic


	21. Chapter 21

**Author:** The Plot Bunny Whisperer**  
Title:** Dear Journal  
**Rating:** PG**  
Genre:** Humor/Parody**  
Pairing: **Remus/Shacklebolt implied  
**Summary: **CrackFic. Dear Diary sister/sequel. "Dear Journal, Got an interesting owl from Malfoy's mum today. Apparently, Voldemort tried to kill Malfoy so she sent him to Anger Management Therapy."  
**Warning:** Implied slash.  
**Disclaimer:** Don't own, don't care, don't sue.

-

**AN: **Wh00t! It's doooone! ...Well, it's always been done, but YAY! I dun hafts update it anymore!

Thanks all, for being loyal and loverly readers! :D

Enjoy!

-

Dear Journal,

Woke up with bad hangover.

Found out I passed a law stating that lemon drops were illegal while drunk.

Apparently I made yesterday National 'Be Nice To A Dark Lord' Day, also while drunk.

Hermione made me abolish that one.

Remus says I am never to act as the minister in a wedding while inebriated ever again, especially not for people who are drunk.

Shacklebolt says he is my loyal servant forever.

Am never drinking Firewhiskey again.

Harry J. Potter  
Minister of Magic


End file.
